Unless you’re very lucky, breakups are an inevitable part of life. People split up for a variety of different reasons and the hurt that comes after is very really and all too common. In saying that, many people struggle to get through that painful stage. After all you’ve invested your time, emotions and yourself into something you hoped would last forever. But what happens when forever comes to an early end? How do you get past that?
It’s true, there is a price to pay for love. Just the thought of losing someone you care for can cause you to feel the beginnings of heart break. When you actually go through it, you cling to empowering quotes, uplifting movies and even songs that seem to be saying exactly what you’re feeling. But if that’s not enough, here are 10 things you can do now to get over someone you dated and empower yourself.
Feel the Pain
You might try to convince yourself in the beginning that you’re better off or that you didn’t lose much. Both of those might be true, but don’t use those excuses as a cover for any pain you might be feeling. Allow yourself to be sad, to cry out loud, to be angry, to be resentful, and whatever else might be stirring inside you. Those emotions are valid and important!
Don’t Be Impulsive
You are going to be sensitive and emotionally vulnerable in the beginning. You might see that they posted something, or look back on old texts and consider reaching out. Don’t do this. Keep a journal instead. Yes, you may feel that you need to release some of what you’re thinking. But don’t bombard them with your feelings, write them down and keep them there. It will be a lot less painful.
It can be so hard to not react in the moment, especially if you see them post something that triggers your emotions. Distancing yourself will honestly be the best thing to help you move on. Even if you’re still “friends”, you should take a step back from them. That means no texting, seeing what they are posting, trying to see what they’re up to, etc.
Ah yes, we’ve seen this happen in a bunch of romantic comedies. The dumpee goes and gets a haircut or starts working out. But in all seriousness, this will help you feel better. When you look great, you’ll feel great. Not only will your mood increase but so will your confidence, and you’ll need both of those to move onto the next chapter in your life.
Have a Support System
If you already have a good friend group, look to them for advice and guidance. If not, don’t keep yourself from reaching out to your family members for help. Remember earlier when I said most people experience heart break? That includes them! If you don’t have a current support system, look towards a therapist. They even have apps that allow you to talk to one!
Create New Goals & Pursue New Interests
Now that you don’t have to plan a life for two, start planning it for one. Think about your goals and start working on them. Often times we can forsake our life missions because of the relationships we find ourselves in. Don’t forget to look into some new interests while you’re at it. I mean look at me, I made a blog!
Love Yourself First
As cheesy as that might sound, it is good advice. Learn to be comfortable on your own and appreciate the fact that you are worth something. There is a certain comfort to being alone, but it will take some time to realize it. Especially if your life was completely entangled with the person you’re trying to get over.
Hang Out With Friends
When I got out of my last relationship I found that I had little to no friends. A lot of people find themselves in this position. Don’t be afraid to find yourself some new ones and reconnect with some you haven’t talked to in a while. While spending some time alone will be great for you, so will hanging out with friends.
Have Deal Breakers & Expectations
Once you’ve processed through a lot of your impulsive emotions, take time to reflect on the relationship that you lost. Why did it end? What did you not like about it? What did you like about it? Then create a list of 5 deal breakers. These should be 5 things you absolutely won’t tolerate from someone. Make sure yous stick by it. Next create a list of 10 expectations. These can be somewhat flexible but I would advise not to compromise more than 3 of them. It’s a great start for what’s to come next.
Get Back Out There and Rebound
I know, no one likes the word rebound. I definitely wouldn’t recommend this right away. You’ll just end up hurting over two people or feeling sorry for yourself. That’s no good. Instead wait until you’ve gotten through the above stuff to start looking for a commitment. If you’re not looking for anything serious for a long time, you can still have fun! Enjoy the experiences.
There are a lot of articles out there that will tell you how to move on “fast and easy”, so if you thought you would find that here I’m sorry to disappoint. There is no magic timeline and some will be harder than others. But I promise you, if you follow these steps, you will come out on the other side stronger and ready for anything. Hope this helps!
What are some things you do to get over a breakup?
Is there an easy way to move on?
Why do some people move on quicker than others?
When is “too soon” to move on from a relationship?