7 Painful Signs You’re Growing Apart

When a long term relationship comes to an end, it’s unlikely that it was due to a single incident. In most cases, it is a series of events and subtle signs that eventually leads to the couples demise. If you’re doubting your relationship, see these 7 signs that might be creating an irreparable divide.

Your goals no longer align like they used to.

Goals are incredibly important. Specifically, it is key that a couple’s personal goals align with the goals of their relationship. When this happens, it allows both people to achieve their dreams and feel good about themselves. Both partners are responsible for never stifling this growth, but it can happen unintentionally.

It is possible that you and your partner will reach a point where you no longer want the same things in life. That could be in regards to having kids, traveling, career paths and so on. The key here is to communicate your goals openly with one another, and when they differ, be open to how you can still achieve your personal goals together. If you can’t, then that is a sign it may be time to move on.

Providing affection and/or sex has become a chore.

When it comes to affection and sex drive it varies from couple to couple. It is also worth mentioning that you might naturally see a decrease in either or as the relationship goes on. But there is a huge difference in getting past the honeymoon phase of your relationship and finding yourself wanting to do anything other than be intimate with your partner.

A relationship without intimacy is a relationship that will not last. I don’t solely mean sex, but as humans we want to be desired and nurtured. We crave that next level intimacy from a significant other. When that fades away people most often find themselves only having love for the person they are with but no longer being in love with them. The longer this takes place, the worse.

You’re no longer as emotionally involved.

This can happen in a variety of different ways and is definitely something that can take place due to a lack of trust, respect, etc. For example, maybe your partner likes to go out a lot. All you’ve asked is to receive a small amount of communication so you’re not totally out of the loop. When they repeatedly leave you hanging, it creates disappointment that turns into a loss of faith in their ability to live up to their word.

You may also notice signs that you no longer ask about each other’s days, or you don’t give kisses goodbye anymore. Every couple has their own traditions, and sometimes people get complacent in not holding them up. If you find that you are disengaged with the relationship over a long period of time with no resolution, it may be time to put your focus into more productive things.

There is frequent financial burden placed on one person.

The whole point in a long term relationship is that you are finding someone to build a life with. That also means sharing and dividing finances between the two of you. In any relationship, even non romantic ones, financial stress creates a huge burden. It is extremely important that clear boundaries are set with what you expect from the other financially.

If one of you is looking to cover a majority of the bills, great. But if you agree to share the responsibility and your partner continues to stick you with the bill, it’s going to be an issue. A lot of times it is the result of poor budgeting, a lack of motivation or they are taking advantage. Whatever the case, realize that there is a difference between someone going through a tough time and a pattern of financial strain due to a lack of accountability.

You no longer share common interests.

Let’s say when you two first met, you used to love always going to eat at new places or trying a new activity together. But as time went on, your partner found themselves wanting to stay at home more while you didn’t. Now you have conflicting interests and with no one willing to compromise, this is an issue.

As we get older our interests are going to change in a variety of different ways. In most cases, your partner and you will likely take part in activities one enjoys more than the other. But in some cases, you could find yourself not interested in the same things at all. Sometimes it’s a result of not having enough in common in the first place, but other times it just happens.

The small quirks you used to love are now increasingly annoying.

Ah yes, this is a fear that most people have. The idea that the reason someone fell in love with you could be the same reason they end up leaving you sounds completely absurd. But it’s something many people go through. Maybe you loved how spontaneous someone was at first, but the longer you are together the more you want a little stability. Maybe you used to love how mysterious they were but now you need more transparency.

There are so many things that seem alluring at first but aren’t what we actually want from someone in the long haul. There are some things that you can address with a little communication, but at the end of the day, people are who they are. It’s possible that asking them to change would erase who they are at their core and while you want them to adapt to what you want, sometimes it won’t happen.

You think more about the past than the future.

Reading back at the other points, I honestly believe they all point to this one. It’s okay to do some reminiscing on how your relationship used to be, but you shouldn’t be relying on those memories to hold everything together. You should be with your partner because you loved them in the beginning, in the present and you see yourself loving them in the future.

You may actually find you don’t even see this person in your future at all, or maybe you do, but it’s not what you want. It’s tough to be 100% sure when it comes to the future and you don’t want to jump the gun too soon. The real takeaway is to not become complacent in something that used to make you happy, but no longer does.

If you find that several of these signs are present in your relationship, it’s time to consider the possibility that you’re growing apart. Does that mean it’s over? Of course not. It just means you will both have to put in a little effort in repairing the problems that caused you to get to this point.

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Have you ever grown apart from someone?

How did you deal with it?

Can you fix a relationship when you’ve grown apart?

Is growing apart always someone’s fault?

59 thoughts on “7 Painful Signs You’re Growing Apart

  1. I think it’s a matter of priorities. If none of the people involved considers the relationship more important than other aspects of their life, they tend to invest less time and energy in it. It happened to me, too, and I can tell my experience was not a pleasant one.

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  2. My wife and I have been together since high school, married over thirty years. Every day and year was perfect and easy, not even close. We had many challenges along the way, times we didn’t agree, we have had years that were not so good and we had years that were better. We also had great times , amazing adventures and over came traumatic events together. We work as a team, partners, friends and lovers every day.

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  3. What I think is even if you feel like you’re growing apart, don’t automatically assume the worst. “Oftentimes, the trajectory for a relationship is something like a lightning rod, so there’s no need to panic, You just need to problem-solve and give your relationship a boost. So the sooner you recognize the problem the sooner your relationship can get back on track.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve had it happen to me with a boyfriend and I think in our case it was because we were young – when you’re young you can grow VERY much apart and I think it’s often best to just part ways. But when you’re older and know more about who you are I think it can be repaired – if both want to, that is. Often I think it’s irreparable because one part just doesn’t want it anymore.

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  5. I’ve been married for almost 10 years now and growing apart is actually normal and healthy but not in the same sense as these listed above. It’s OKAY to grow as a person outside of your relationship, in fact, its actually necessary to continue in your relationship. It takes more than just a little effort to make a relationship work and it’ll take more than just a little effort to rekindle and respark that fire!

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    1. I totally agree and thank you for pointing that out. There is a huge difference between growing apart and growing together. You will change and they will change in numerous different ways. But if you’re gonna survive that you make adjustments to each other and accept the changes. Thanks for reading!

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  6. This is so true!!! I think we all need to make time to evaluate our relationship too or else these things can happen and we don’t even know it!

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    1. That is a great question. In all honesty, the main thing would be communication. But when I look at all of these things, they all lead back to the actual pillars that make a relationship. (Which I believe are Respect, Trust, Personal Identity, Communication & Vision) When one of those is lacking, it leads to all these other annoyances. I would say read that post for better advice on how to fix it. Here’s the link. https://brieeffect.blog/2019/01/14/the-5-pillars-of-love-and-how-to-repair-them/#more-440

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  7. I had the same experience as growing apart from my last partner. And yes, all these were the major reasons, constant financial and emotional pressure on me, lack of communication and abuse too. So I guess if your issues doesn’t resolve after trying and again and again same things happen, it’s time to move on.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This is so true! Went through this so many times. But then again – as a human you grow (because if you don’t there’ss something wrong) so it is normal that in some relationships you might grow apart!

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  9. Growing apart is something really hard, I think that because I’ve experienced it with my mom, I’ve seen her sacrifices and it’s really hard for her.

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  10. I think that growing apart can naturally happen, especially with everyday life. There are so many things going on and sometimes people lose touch with each other. If a couple really wants to make things work and they want to reconnect, they can. However, both of the people have to be willing to put in the effort to make it work. It can’t just be one person giving their all while the other person isn’t.

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  11. A relationship can be painful most of the time. It’s a matter of trust, loyalty, and respect. And any those it is time to accept that both of you are not meant to be

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  12. Growing apart can be so painful. I’ve experienced it before. I try to work on it and save our relationship. It didn’t work. One thing I learn. If you are not meant to be it will not work out.

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  13. I think that it’s very possible to bring a relationship back together. Many times, one or both people have misplaced their priorities. If you find out it’s you, try romancing your way back in. Do the little things that you used to do. The movie Fireproof with Kirk Cameron has the Love Dare or something like that and it’s a list of tasks that you can do to bring romance and love back into the relationship.

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