When a long term relationship comes to an end, it’s unlikely that it was due to a single incident. In most cases, it is a series of events and subtle signs that eventually leads to the couples demise. If you’re doubting your relationship, see these 7 signs that might be creating an irreparable divide.
Your goals no longer align like they used to.
Goals are incredibly important. Specifically, it is key that a couple’s personal goals align with the goals of their relationship. When this happens, it allows both people to achieve their dreams and feel good about themselves. Both partners are responsible for never stifling this growth, but it can happen unintentionally.
It is possible that you and your partner will reach a point where you no longer want the same things in life. That could be in regards to having kids, traveling, career paths and so on. The key here is to communicate your goals openly with one another, and when they differ, be open to how you can still achieve your personal goals together. If you can’t, then that is a sign it may be time to move on.
Providing affection and/or sex has become a chore.
When it comes to affection and sex drive it varies from couple to couple. It is also worth mentioning that you might naturally see a decrease in either or as the relationship goes on. But there is a huge difference in getting past the honeymoon phase of your relationship and finding yourself wanting to do anything other than be intimate with your partner.
A relationship without intimacy is a relationship that will not last. I don’t solely mean sex, but as humans we want to be desired and nurtured. We crave that next level intimacy from a significant other. When that fades away people most often find themselves only having love for the person they are with but no longer being in love with them. The longer this takes place, the worse.
You’re no longer as emotionally involved.
This can happen in a variety of different ways and is definitely something that can take place due to a lack of trust, respect, etc. For example, maybe your partner likes to go out a lot. All you’ve asked is to receive a small amount of communication so you’re not totally out of the loop. When they repeatedly leave you hanging, it creates disappointment that turns into a loss of faith in their ability to live up to their word.
You may also notice signs that you no longer ask about each other’s days, or you don’t give kisses goodbye anymore. Every couple has their own traditions, and sometimes people get complacent in not holding them up. If you find that you are disengaged with the relationship over a long period of time with no resolution, it may be time to put your focus into more productive things.
There is frequent financial burden placed on one person.
The whole point in a long term relationship is that you are finding someone to build a life with. That also means sharing and dividing finances between the two of you. In any relationship, even non romantic ones, financial stress creates a huge burden. It is extremely important that clear boundaries are set with what you expect from the other financially.
If one of you is looking to cover a majority of the bills, great. But if you agree to share the responsibility and your partner continues to stick you with the bill, it’s going to be an issue. A lot of times it is the result of poor budgeting, a lack of motivation or they are taking advantage. Whatever the case, realize that there is a difference between someone going through a tough time and a pattern of financial strain due to a lack of accountability.
You no longer share common interests.
Let’s say when you two first met, you used to love always going to eat at new places or trying a new activity together. But as time went on, your partner found themselves wanting to stay at home more while you didn’t. Now you have conflicting interests and with no one willing to compromise, this is an issue.
As we get older our interests are going to change in a variety of different ways. In most cases, your partner and you will likely take part in activities one enjoys more than the other. But in some cases, you could find yourself not interested in the same things at all. Sometimes it’s a result of not having enough in common in the first place, but other times it just happens.
The small quirks you used to love are now increasingly annoying.
Ah yes, this is a fear that most people have. The idea that the reason someone fell in love with you could be the same reason they end up leaving you sounds completely absurd. But it’s something many people go through. Maybe you loved how spontaneous someone was at first, but the longer you are together the more you want a little stability. Maybe you used to love how mysterious they were but now you need more transparency.
There are so many things that seem alluring at first but aren’t what we actually want from someone in the long haul. There are some things that you can address with a little communication, but at the end of the day, people are who they are. It’s possible that asking them to change would erase who they are at their core and while you want them to adapt to what you want, sometimes it won’t happen.
You think more about the past than the future.
Reading back at the other points, I honestly believe they all point to this one. It’s okay to do some reminiscing on how your relationship used to be, but you shouldn’t be relying on those memories to hold everything together. You should be with your partner because you loved them in the beginning, in the present and you see yourself loving them in the future.
You may actually find you don’t even see this person in your future at all, or maybe you do, but it’s not what you want. It’s tough to be 100% sure when it comes to the future and you don’t want to jump the gun too soon. The real takeaway is to not become complacent in something that used to make you happy, but no longer does.