A majority of women have a story to share about being in an unhealthy relationship. In some cases, women will refer to their partners as a narcissist. Whether they actually are or not, to compare someone to a narcissist speaks volumes.
While the Narcissistic Personality Disorder is rare, some of the traits one can exude are as follows: grandiosity, callous, unemotional traits, disregard for others’ feelings, excessive need for admiration, or social isolation.
Ren has a blog called Regaining Your Innocence where she posts about being involved with a narcissistic person and her journey to find love again. In this post, she reached out to a close to friend to find out why the a previous love would string her along and put her through the emotional turmoil she endured. Read more of this incredibly vulnerable story below.
After my previous love I spoke to a mutual friend of ours, and he made a very big statement “All men are dogs.” Now this statement stuck with me and it’s been running through my head since. Are all men dogs? Or do a select few choose to be dogs? I’ve never wanted to put people into one category, and I refuse to believe all men are like this. I want to have faith in humanity and men too. I do believe we are our choices, not a general quote…like all men are dogs.
Now I have a very good relationship with this said friend, a mutual respect and he’d always tell me the truth. Which he did this day but I think it bothers me more than I initially thought. He told me that my previous love chose me because I was easily accessible, and that the foundations were already built. This cemented the characteristics of a narcissist, different forms of connections to allow different types of controlling. For me, this was a big thing, having a group of friends I trusted. (He said) “I can’t be mad at the things he did, because I’ve done the same”….wow
He continued telling me different aspects and his view of the situation, he then told me of his previous extremely similar situation. He got involved with one of his best friends, was having a complete relationship with her, calling her his girlfriend. Even going on dates a seemingly normal relationship and even had an unplanned pregnancy too. Whilst the whole time he was involved with his long term partner. He kept saying to me how my situation was the same as his previous, and how he couldn’t believe it.
“I believe you two are soul mates” is what he told me about my previous love and myself. And the only comment I could make is why would a best friend and soulmate do that to someone they loved then? He didn’t have an answer, well he did; all men are dogs. They want the best of everything. He believes his childhood was reasoning for his decisions but said he could never understand what my previous loves reasoning’s were.
I mean I could start a whole book and never finish it with reasons I think my previous love did what he did. But to what end? For me to come up with excuses, to be thinking this was my fault? He wouldn’t of hurt me, but did because I did this. Narcissist’s work in a way where everything is your fault, and you constantly doubt yourself. I told my friend, “Do you not see that all of your choices have consequences? These selfish choices you have made previously and B has made now, has permanent effects on people’s lives? On their future choices and insecurities?” The choices that were made were for selfish gain, sexual use and mistreatment and all of this whilst claiming to love someone. I do not believe these people, these narcissist understand the meaning or even experiences the feeling of love, other than loving themselves.
I’m starting now, after a long time of dealing with my previous love and the after effects seeing he is a very sick and twisted man. A very vindictive, manipulative individual with a dark soul and lack of empathy. Someone who sets on people’s kind hearts and emphatic side and uses this against them. I’ve allowed people to make me think I was in the wrong for this, and how he’s a victim but no longer will I. This is someone who’s made these same choices again and again with different people over a long period of time, and he’s the kind of person who will never stop.
Everyday I’m slowly mentally dealing with everything, and finally I’m starting to let go of the memory of it all, (even) the occasions I classed as good times with my previous love. We should never let anyone dictate our future choices, and who we decide to let in. Our hearts and minds need to heal…yes we will heal.
I refuse to believe all men are dogs, I still want to have faith and belief in men. In a group of 10 i’m sure I will find some decent human beings with love to share.
The world is endless and there are endless possibilities to be had…