To the girl who can’t find her footing.
I see you, even with that proud look on your face.
I remember you at 18
Watching you take pride in officially becoming an adult was nice, but watching you fall in love for the first time was nicer. You believed that he would definitely be your last. Just like your grandma, you would find the one early against all odds. I do wish you hadn’t gone against the wishes of your family & friends. But you found comfort in him and decided that life would be better together. So you moved in with him. Knowing you, I’m sure you thought “Time to prove everyone wrong!” I remember wishing I had stood up for you before you ended up outside your parent’s door at 2:00am. You were crying. Now you have secrets stitched into bruises that only you and I can see.
I remember you at 19
I was so proud you graduated! We both felt like this was the beginning of success. You conquered high school even if it meant putting in a little more effort than the others. Then invoices and debts started to catch up with you, ones that weren’t even your fault. I know you were angry, I know that the only option you saw was to move into your best friend’s place. You got a new job, got a car, got promoted, and found your second love…I know that made you happy. It’s like everything you ever wanted was falling into place…finally. But, friendships fall apart and it’s not always in your control. Even still, I know it stung.
I remember you at 20
Some things happened for the better and I pushed you to save for your own place. Besides, you had just got another promotion! I remember how proud that made you and how accomplished you were when you moved in to your first apartment. You had a good relationship with your second love and you were happy. That’s why when you were bold enough to suggest living together, I allowed it. Enough time passed to reveal he was a liar, a cheater and a dead weight that crippled your savings. I’m sorry that by the time I convinced you to let him go…your company was falling under and you had 60 days to find another job. That was a lot for you.
You’re finally 21
Congratulations on the new job! It seems far less engaging than your old one but at least you make more… right? Honestly, it’s what you needed. I heard you partied in Vegas, that you enjoyed the single life, made new friends, and you’re alive with youth. Perfect timing, I definitely approve of this new guy you started seeing. How were the final days in your apartment? I noticed you moved back home again. Is it because you want to pursue an education? I know you feel like it’s finally time to play catch up on the years that passed you by. I’m proud of you…but I am a little worried for you.
I see you, afraid. You’re so scared to take a step into the future, so you keep hovering your foot just above the ground. Too worried that the minute you set it down you’ll slip? I’m sure you’re paranoid that something will cause you to fall and so I’ve watched you wait. You’re waiting, because waiting is better than being ruined. You’re waiting, because waiting is better than looking back regretting that you didn’t. You have always been so head strong and now you’re hesitant.
I see you, numb. The past couple years have been nothing but ups and downs. I know, every emotion you feel is either really good or really bad. Is that why you decided to censor anything that could damage your self esteem? I can see that you’re hurting often. I just hope you haven’t gone too numb to truly acknowledge it. I’m sure you still cry and get emotional, but you do this sometimes. You try and block anything from inciting your true emotions. Knowing you, you’re probably sitting there wondering how you’ll ever move forward like this.
If we’re being honest, you can’t.
I have seen you make it through worse things.
I have seen you smile through challenging times.
I have seen you, not only uplift yourself, but the others around you as well.
I have seen you be a leader to those who needed one.
I have seen you achieve goals that you thought were a long shot.
I see you, all of you, because I am you. So I decided to write you this letter. Believe me it wasn’t easy, because now that proud look is cracking. It’s time to let everything that you held in, out. Even if it feels like a hurricane is bursting within your chest. By writing this letter I’m hoping to help you because now you’re forced to acknowledge one very important thing.
You too, see yourself the way I do. It’s time to move forward. We both know it.
The girl who will find her footing.