How Many Chances Should You Give for Love?

Looking back at my previous relationships, they all ended badly. I left them feeling like I had wasted my time, sanity and care on someone who didn’t deserve it. I forgave them for things because I believed they would change, even after they proved that they wouldn’t. Most people have experienced something like this. But the question stands, how many chances is too many?

After a failed relationship you’ll constantly think back to the arguments and all of the times you should’ve called it quits. You’ll then ridicule yourself for not seeing the signs and find it hard to forgive yourself for the hurt someone else caused you. Unfortunately, you will feel like you almost deserved the hurt because you kept enabling them to do so.

I am someone who does this a lot and, if I’m being honest, every time I recall my previous relationships there is always one moment I think about more than the rest. If I were to describe it, it’s the most pivotal moment of the relationship. It’s the day I should have ended it. But when you’re in the heat of it all, it can be so hard to realize when this moment is. Even if the whole world is telling you, “This is it!”, you could still argue that it’s not.

This is something that really frustrates me and makes it incredibly hard to be in a relationship. It’s gotten to a point where it’s less about not trusting my partner and more about not trusting myself. I have accepted that my partner will do something to hurt me at one point or another during the time that we are together. Nobody is perfect. But, what truly worries me is that I will forgive them for hurting me one too many times and completely miss that “pivotal moment” I was talking about earlier. I did some research about this and I’ve compiled some advice that will help myself and all of you from making that mistake again.

Have a List of Deal Breakers

For everyone, one of your deal breakers should be any form of abuse. Whether it is physical, sexual, verbal, etc. But other deal breakers are determined by the individuals in the relationship. They can get a little subjective and won’t be the same level of severity for every couple. Some examples would be lying, cheating, hiding information, whether someone wants to have kids, how someone handle’s their finances, etc. Come up with at least 5 that you won’t compromise on.

Avoid Forgiving the Same Bad Decisions

There is bound to be a time that someone in the relationship will damage their partners faith in them. Depending on the level of severity, these things can be forgiven and the couple can work through it. However, when someone is displaying the same bad behavior over and over, you need to determine whether this person is capable of change. Old habits die hard and sometimes someone will keep hurting you the same way because you are enabling them to do so. At some point, the sooner the better, you have to put your foot down and say enough’s enough.

Do They Admit There’s A Problem?

When we choose to forgive people, it’s because we believe they can be better. When you’ve already invested so much of yourself into a relationship, you would rather see the good in the person than acknowledge the bad. But you have to acknowledge the bad, more than that, you have to get them to acknowledge the bad. People won’t change until they are able to identify their toxic behavior and why it needs to change.

Why Do You Want to Give Them Another Chance?

“Because I love him/her.” – This is a terrible reason to keep going. Honestly, it’s normally the people we love the most that we allow to keep hurting us. Love allows us to be blinded by how miserable someone is actually making us. There should be more substance to your relationship because at the end of the day you’ll find that you’re masking your fear of being alone with LOVE.

Self – Reflection

This is by far the most important thing to consider before giving someone another chance. Take a step back from your relationship, and really analyze who you are and how you feel. Think back to how you felt about yourself before this person got so entangled in your life. In the relationships that I gave too many chances, I found that I had lost my confidence. I would look at myself and I think “this is the best I’ll ever be.” Staying with someone whose bad for you will only take from who you are. If you feel like this person has chipped away at who you were and who you wanted to become, they aren’t worth another chance.

Relationships are hard and aren’t as easy as Hollywood leads us to believe. There is not always a happy ending and sometimes the people we choose to love simply aren’t worth it. While I hope this will help you in determining whether someone is worth another chance or not, in the end, it is you who must decide you deserve better. Don’t be afraid to let someone go, otherwise you could waste months or even years with the wrong person. Stop settling for less than you deserve and you’ll live your happiest life.

Have you given someone too many chances before? What did you learn from it? I’d love to see what you all have to say in the comments!

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45 thoughts on “How Many Chances Should You Give for Love?

  1. My husband knows our relationship’s boundaries. I know our relationship’s boundaries. We are very loyal to these boundaries. Thus I don’t feel as though “chances” are necessary because I don’t ever see anyone crossing said boundaries. We have a VERY OPEN line of communication so before any boundaries might mistakenly be crossed, we talk about it first.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Honestly, in my head I think the same thing. But i find myself wanting them to be the person i thought them to be. 😭 but you’re opinion is something lots of people can agree on!

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  2. I believe in the fact that people don’t change. Earlier, even I used to give people chances but I don’t anymore. All your questions are so important. I’ve observed in most cases, they don’t even understand the problem.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. cheating is a one off thing for me as regaining trust is very difficult. im not perfect but when it comes to betrayal it is something im very sensitive with.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Forgiving and forgetting can often be tough to navigate. But I have to say forgiving is the best thing we can do for ourselves. If someone isn’t sorry that’s on them and we can still be free from the hurt. It takes time though. Hoping you find love one day ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. These are really interesting points. I’m so thankful, after once being in a relationship that wasn’t my best choice, to finally have recognized those things and God granted me with a wonderful husband. You made good points.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. i always believe that love means never having to say sorry. the exact words jelly said to oliver and oliver to his father in the book Love Story. So how many chances should you give for love? as long as you live together.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. If someone is consistently having relationship issues—whether between one person or over the course of several different relationships—active self-reflection is necessary. That will help determine what someone truly wants on a personal level and as a partner in a couple. Being self-aware of what works for you and makes you happy helps you stay away from people and situations that make you feel unhappy.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. A successful relationship is based on respect (boundaries) and communication. Without either, then the relationship will fail. Sometimes we need to work on ourselves before we be date again – this way we know what we want, we know who we are, and what we will/or will not compromise for.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Honestly, it can be easy to tell if there are multiple red flags. However, if there aren’t any red flags and they make a mistake, forgive them, that’s life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I like that you mention not giving enough to those who did. That’s the core to this, sure we don’t want to waste our time on people who don’t deserve it but sometimes wasting a little time on those who do pays off. Even if you don’t see it in that moment.

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